PraGUEEE

Hello, did you know that recently, I went to Prague?

It was really nice and I felt very happy to be walking and wandering and seeing lovely things and lovely buildings – also the food was really good. I had an entire food diary to share with you but my phone recently took a dive into the toilet so it’s drying as we speak.

Prague is very old, and very beautiful – very, very, very beautiful. There are gorgeous details everywhere – and buckets and buckets of GOLLLLDDDDDDD.

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During our time in Prague, we ate plenty of ham (£22 worth of ham), ingested plenty of incredibly cheap beer, even more cheap and delicious cocktails, ate plenty of delicious red meat, journeyed up a very big hill in a funicular (my first funicular), and journeyed up what felt like several thousand stairs (it was actually just over 300) to see some spectacular views and listen to other English people talking about Prague.

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Here is the tower with all the stairs…

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If you’re going to Prague, you should 100% explore and find yourself in Café Savoy for brunch – they’re featured quite heavily on taste of prague. Oh my goodness it was delicious, here is a picture of our meal on insta. Kieren had a collection of meats cooked beautifully, and I had old prague ham on toast with the most perfectly poached egg omg PLUS sausages with an amazing amazing amazing amazing amount of wholegrain mustard.

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Hello! Look at all these lovely deets!

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On one of the days, we went on a coach trip and were the youngest people there. Although we signed up for the bone church, we ended up seeing a church with amazing windows and heckloads of gold and also we learned how people made coins in the past.

BUT MOSTLY THE BONE CHURCH!!!!!

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It was a sacred place and it was the vogue to have your bones sent to be turned into decor. By gosh it was cold, and slightly daunting. I wished we could have spent more time there and read the gravestones but we were encouraged to board the bus once more. If you have six hours free and £30 to spare to see some bones, you definitely should.

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Our first and last meal in PraGUE took place in Cestr – a restaurant that feels like a sexy abattoir. Lurking underneath the national museum, you enter into a cubicle of cow hide and walk through plastic butchers curtains. Open kitchen and wood welcomes you in, with windows enabling you to gaze upon the maturing cows and slabs of red.

I can remember nothing about it besides the smiley waiting staff and the feeling of bliss as the red meat dissolved in my mouth again and again and again. The steak tartar in parparticularlar was delicious, so delicious. Firstly, you rub garlic cloves onto the toast. Then you cover the toast in raw red meat and bit of egg yolk. It’s peppery and delicious and you never want it to finish.

I would walk back to Prague for another one.

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Prague in a nutshell:

  • crispy onions with dumplings
  • gold
  • delicious beer
  • delicious deets on buildings
  • a very lovely time had by all
  • also the KGB museum is a treat and a half – a private collection and a very enthusiastic storyteller with a brilliantly thick accent

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Hello and also, goodbye – I love you xxxxxxxx

 

 

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The Thomas Crown Affair

Hello! Do you know what the Long John Review is? I’m not sure how far back you’ve read, but basically during a Christmas visit to Pin Mill, I fell asleep in the middle of a film. That film I will now attempt to recap in how easy it is to sleep to ——– THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR!

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When I was in college, Liz (our fave Australian lady) played a snippet due to the relation to the famous Migrette painting with the man with an apple in front of his face. Also they play this song and it’s brilliant.

As far as I can remember, it’s about a man who does a thing (an art heist-y thing) and a lady with red hair definitely loves him from afar. It was the late 90s, aka the mid 90s as everyone knows that the 90s finished in 2004. The fashion screams 90s, which for some reason has come back in the last two years (why? why? why is that? when will the 90s revival be over?).

I THINK the lady with the red hair is a detective, but oF COURSE THEy FaLL In LovE SIGH and at some point she wears a very sheer dress and does brilliant dancing.

Why am I being so scant on the details you may ask? Because I FELL ASLEEP RLY QUICKLY BECAUSE IT’S REALLY EASY TO SLEEP TO!

I woke up at the BEST BIT (you’ll know if you watch it) with all the briefcases and apples and Nina Simone was playing.

At the end he fakes his own death or something and then he and the ginger lady run away together by accident and she threatens to break his arm and then they kiss THE END. WTF.

But how sleep-able is it?
The Thomas Crown Affair is impossible NOT to sleep to!
I would give it 1/10 for the actual film
If you’re looking for a film to sleep to, absolutely watch The Thomas Crown Affair 10/10 sleepable.
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The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

Director: John McTiernan

Writers: Leslie Dixon, Kurt Wimmer

Stars: Pierce Brosnan, Rene Russo, Denis Leary

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Happisburgh

Happisburgh looks like it ought to be pronounced “Happys-burg”, as in “Where are you off to? You look happy, have you been to Happys-Burg?” – but it’s pronounced “Haze-bor-ugh, as in ‘haze’ like a haze, and ‘borough’ like the last bit of Aldeburgh (for all you Suffolk dwellers). It’s a brilliant place for dog spotting, air breathing and getting sandy.

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It’s a lovely place, featuring clifftops, a rather lovely lighthouse, a few houses that have fallen into the sea, and HELLA DOGS.

One thing that has been duly noted, is once past the lighthouse, clifftops, the sea defenders, the bits of brick that litter the beach, and the lifeboat house, there is a rather peculiar sight. Row upon row of houses, bungalows, L shaped buildings, caravans, sunrooms, annexes and squat little homes. None of them are connected, no one is the same as the other. Some are new builds, some are weathered, some are wooden, some are tin, some are brick, some are lovely, some could use a bit of TLC. Some have ‘vicious hounds’ (JK, they have the loveliest smiley boys), some have cats in the windows, some look lived in, some have dusty window sills. Some have EN GER LAND flags waving outside the houses, some don’t.

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Most of them have huuuuuuuge expanses of land. Trying to imagine it, I would have a vegetable plot and flowers and groovy things and a fire pit, but apparently the salt in the air and the cold winds from the north sea make it near impossible to grow things in the ground.

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The house above is very brilliant, it has cement sand castles lining the front, and a nice little bit for selling eggs and cake, plus this time around – halloween sweets! Thank you Ebb Tide.

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Oh yes, here is one of the aforementioned vicious hounds

Do you see what I mean about none of them being the same? They’re brilliant.

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Here’s what’s left of the estate map

I have no idea when it was built, who started, where, when, why or who or what or why or when or who or why. Just that I had serious garden and wood burner envy.

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On our walk back, we met a group of people with LOVELY dogs, espesh these two Handsome Dans.

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And of course Kieren found the tiniest and wiggliest pup of all time to have a play with – it was only it’s SECOND TIME ON THE BEACH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IT WAS LITTLE BABY YES!

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Also look, this is my favourite house out of all of them.

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And also omg!

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#oops #hopeeveryoneisok

If you’re ever in the NR12 0QA area, you should 100% go and have a wander.

I hope you had a lovely Sunday!!!!

LOVE YOU, BYE XXXXXXXXXX

Margate? MarGREAT!

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Hello my dear reader pal – how are you? Mhm, mhm? Oh? That’s great! V glad to hear that, yes! This weekend just gone, I found myself in Margate. When I was small, we had a weekend in Margate. It was quite grey and our hotel had bars on the windows and a drunk magician. In the last few years, it’s become increasingly hipcats. With the opening of the Turner Contemporary and a rise in mircopub(e)s, plus the added lure (which later turned out to be a lie) of MEGA PINBALL, why wouldn’t we take a trip?

SATURDAY

After a slightly wonky trip (accidentally avoiding tolls took us through London and tensions were high [from me, sorry K town] and it added like, two hours) we arrived at our house for the night. Air bnb is the best, affirmative.

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So after dropping our bags and meeting our hosts for the weekend, picking up they key and having a HUGE wee, we(e) headed off towards the magic.

Only to be met with………………………mega disappointment!!!!!!!! For the pinball had up and left. The sky was grey, the pavements full of phlegm, the kids were gobby (we encountered some 18 year olds on the way to a house party and one was tearing open a pack of durex with his teeth……..in the middle of the street why? why would you do that? why?), and the PINBALL WAS GONE. Dreamland – why? Why would you do that? Why? WHY? Upon hearing the news, my little heart sank and Dreamland was grey and sad. We decided to come back with better spirits. Oh but we did see these brilliant people on a hen do omg.

 

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SENIOR STYLE, ACTIVATE!

We decided to stretch our legs and get some fortifying foodstuffs. Along the seafront was an INCREDIBLY CHARMING red building which turned out to be the Old Kent Market. Originally known as the Parade Cinema when it opened (in 1911!), it bounced between being a cinema, a raunchy cinema, a snooker hall, a social club, and finally in 2013 opening at the OKM. There are little lovely food places, and a WEENY pub called The Petite Prince, but we got some yumski grubcity food from “Tashi’s Pantry for African-Caribbean Cuisine” – it was V V V DELISH.

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A stones throw from the Old Kent Market was the aforementioned Turner Contemporary – opened by Tracey Emin dontchaknow unless that is not true, in which case I am sorry I might have made that up – a lovely big grey boy. The current exhibition on was BRILL, entitled Seeing Round Corners, something my mum has been claiming she can do for a number of years.

Absolutely everything was ROUND, which is great as me and my big moony face blended in perfectly. Although I can remember absolutely nobodies name, I do remember a big beautiful blue cartwheel and a big orb that followed you around a small room. Beautiful. Did you know I have a 2.1 in Illustration? Yes srsly.

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Next up we took a wander up the lovely curve along the docks, and found ourselves in the Harbour Arms for a spot of rummy, people watching and elderflower cider. It was brilliantly themed with an actual tower of crisp flavours. Oh yes, there was also this cuddly fella. And a tiny blond boy with a tiny boom microphone who allegedly took a wee on his pet cat (I listened into their convo sorry).

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After a refreshing pintos, it was time to explore the old town. This was actually pretty poorly timed on our part as things were CLOSIN ALL AROUND US, but we scoped out some groovy things to look at the next day. WE MANAGED TO FIND ONE LONELY PINBALL MACHINE, IT WAS OLD AND LOVELY! However, I was somewhat reminded of the Margate I had visited as a 8/9 year old. It was grey and a bit sad and a bit gross in places. I kept waiting for the hipgroovycats to make themselves apparent. Where were they? We met a brilliant girl with sequinned trousers on who recommended a bar called Fez, they were having a beach night and there was sand everywhere. Oh yeah, and we had a dodgy curry but I will not say whERE or WHO because they were really nice about the whole slightly grim thing and there was an issue with monks and scallops but that’s all by the by.

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Also, there were not just one, but TWO BEANO CAFES?! What does it all MEAN (Basil)?

And so we retired – the sea was so, so, so salty like no sea you had ever encountered before and I felt thirsty walking home. So salty.

SUNDAY

Ok, so when we awoke on the Sunday, it was SUNNY. The sun had made itself apparent and I was so glad. Do you know what else made itself apparent? HUNDREDS OF INCREDIBLY HIP PEOPLE. THEY HAD ALL COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK. It was the strangest of days. So brunch in a diner which projected Happy Days, a piña colada milkshake, bacon and maple pancakes, several games of vicious connect four and a serious whopping of table football, we were ready to find Shell Grotto.

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What ever is Shell Grotto you say? Apparently in 1835, a man was building a duck pond in his garden and uncovered a suspiciously queer thing – a temple? a tunnel? a whaaaaaat? Well, wait for it…

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Wait for it…

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Shell grotty from the outside perhaps, but inside there were hundreds of shell-related gifts, as well as fish knife that I wish I possessed now as it was brilliant. At £4 each for grown ups, it was cheap as chips and GCF.

Through the gift shop, and through a tiny museum with the history of Shell Grotto, was a doorway leading down down downy down, into the goldmine of shells that adorned the walls. It was very chilly, and very impressive. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lot of light, and I was mostly preoccupied with how amazing it all was. SOZ! I did get a few though. Fascinating! Margreat!

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After the history and the mystery, it was time to head back to Dreamland. After getting over my Pinball Woes from the day before and the sun was fully shining it’s little socks off, we decided to have a gay old time!

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Dreamland was reopened in 2015, after being the victim of arson several years previous. Since then, it’s had a retro reboot and has been filled with PLENTY of groovy stuff. Just look at this lovely man in his ice cream van – sorry about his fuzzy face, what happened in photoshop? I’m not sure. He was really nice though.

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All in all, we had a brill time. I went on the scariest ride I’ve ever been on, in which I thought we could double up, but it turns out that was only for tiny people that needed accompanying. I NEEDED ACCOMPANYING. I spent the whole ride going oooOOOOhhohHH MMYyyyYYy goodoDO OH MY GOdddddd dD dD d dD ddDOHMYFODOGGOD pooooooooomysgod oghhghgggmmmffffyyyyy gooddddddd omgomgddddddddddd omggggGGGgggGq@@@!!!!!!!!!!!

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GOODBYE MARGATE AND THE BUILDING THAT KIEREN LOVES

After getting some stodgy fish and chips, we picked at jellyfish and oyster shells and cuttlefish, then we got into Kierens nippy car and nipped home. 8/10 weekend 100%.

I hope you had a lovely weekend!!!!

LOVE YOU BYE XXXXXXXXXX

 

 

 

Possibly One Of My Favourite Weekends Ever (but can you believe that I didn’t have my camera with me?)

Hello! How are you? It’s Thursday and I’m tired from My New Job™ – which is probably soon to be My Job™ which will then just become “work”. But for now, let us revel in the novelty of My New Job™.

I’m here today to make a note of last weekend – it was super, supes brilliant and HERE IS WHAT I DID.

Friday Night: I actually cannot remember, but it may have involved watching Hustle and falling asleep because that is the usual @ my bfs.

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(via:fanart.tv and ft T+VG and DANNY, love you forever original cast)

OMG SATURDAY: SO! I forgot to take my camera BUT THAT IS FINE! It was a deliciously hot day – JK it was raining LOTS but luckily I had my jaunty rainbow umbrella. We caught the train with no qualms, and had the traditional cheese twist + cold coffee, has we have been doing on every train journey ever taken from Norwich station. It is a young tradition, but an honoured one all the same.

We found our way to the Newport Street Gallery to have a look at ‘NOW‘, written and directed by Jeff Koons, starring Jeff Koons, produced by – not Jeff Koons because he is famous for it. He is such a ding dong but he has a good eye for colour I SUPPOSE and he married a porn star which was probably great fun for him, I imagine. We also saw his ballz from the back in a rather explicit picture. Oh how we laughed, we cried, we pontificated at the ballz from the back. We also saw a bloody amazingly big blue balloon animal (omg here it is on my instagram), as well as some huge play-doh actually made of something else (omg here it is) and we ALSO saw a perfect portrait of moi (HERE IT IS).

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For lunch we travelled afar – just out of the gallery and down some stairs. There it was. THE PHARMACY. I was expecting ridiculous prices, but everything was so reasonable and delicious. I had morning noodles and a cocktail called THE DRAGON. Also about 2 spoonfuls of the richest chocolate mousse with huge chunks of honeycomb. OMG I could gladly walk back for another chocolate mousse.

Upon leaving we bumped into LOVELY KAMIYA who is just the best and loveliest, along with two other lovely peeps that I lived in halls with (hi Harriet and Conner!).

The next stop was the National Portrait Gallery, for a visit to see William Eggleston, possibly my fave photographer of all time. It was wonderful to see his work so huge and so colourful, and made me think ‘omg I need to take more photographs’. If you’re in London before the start of October, it’s worth £5.50 if you have a fake student card like moi. If not, it’s definitely worth £7.00

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BUT THE DAY WAS NOT OVER YET. We found ourselves in Soho, after SBA (AKA Sweet Baby Alan AKA Keirens Boss AKA AP Fitzpatrick) recommended a v cool and v authentic Italian cafe – it was full to the brim with STUFF and PEOPLE drinking prosec and watching football and ringing bells when their team won. I had to have a cup of tea due to not liking coffee and felt VERY immature. It was GREAT for people watching and warming up a little bit.

BUT EVEN SO THE DAY WAS NOT OVER YET BECAUSE WE FOUND OURSELVES IN RONNIE SCOTTS JAZZ CLUB.

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Picture the scene: everything is tiny and red, very sexy lighting and a good burger, a really good burger, and also LOADS OF BLOODY COCKTAILS YUMMY, oh and yes we were sitting right at the front. And watching Billy CobHAM. He had a tiny cool lady keyboard player and it was hard to take your eyes off of her. Everyone was sweating on stage and K town was happy because they played loads of synthy 80s pop. Ding ding ding!!!!!

ALSO WE MADE THE TRAIN HOME ON TIME? AND I BOUGHT AND ATE SOME WARM SUSHI FROM WASABI BECAUSE IT’S MY COMING HOME FROM LONDON TRADITION OK?

OMG SUNDAY: Originally Kieren was going to do lines and I was going to do a huuuuuuge bath and tidy but then it was so sunny that GREAT YARMOUTH WAS BECKONING BECAUSE WE HADN’T BEEN ALL SUMMER.

It was a glorious day, full of pinball, bacon sandwiches, one delicious donut each and some EXCELLENT INDOOR CRAZY GOLF. HEre and also here are two pics from my IG. The girl who gave us our sticks and score sheet said the building used to be part of Ripleys Believe It Or Not – appaz some people don’t “get it” but WHAT IS NOT TO GET? IT IS THE BEST. Apparently it was also Englands FIRST INDOOR CRAZY GOLF! Come for the golf, stay for the artefacts. YOU HAVE TO GO!

There was also a trip to the Merryville Penny Arcade because it’s the best, and plenty of 2p games (one of which I hadn’t played in about 9 years) and the heart wrenching decision of WHICH RIDE SHALL WE GO ON TODAY DEAR SEEING AS WE ARE AT PLEASURE BEACH?

The day ended with Airplane and burger nite, which is one of my FAVE NITES!

ANYWAY I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT WEEKEND! THIS COMING WEEKEND I’M GOING TO MARGATE OMG SO EXCITEDDDDDDDD I LOVE YOU BYE XXXXXXXXX

 

All About Dogs (A Memory)

Hello dear reader! How are you today? Guess what! I’ve been working at My New Job™ for exactly two weeks now! I’m sorry that I haven’t had anything to say – and I’m sure you’ve been waiting on baited breath for my rough and ready return. I’m asking you now to cast your memory back (if you will) to the last Sunday of August. It was a balmy and beautiful day, and for me – full of furry boys and scrappy little babylons.

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omg, it’s face is oN THE BAG

Kieren and I found ourselves in the Nofolk Showground, surrounded by stalls which now I cannot recall (I am so sorry). I’m pretty sure there were hundreds of leads and lovely coats. But mostly, there were lovely dogs EVERYWHERE. We must have touched over one hundred.

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LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL COLLECTION OF STANLEYS!

Something that was noticed (and noted) was DUPLICATE DOGZ. If someone had a doggle, they REALLY had a doggle. Everywhere we saw bushels of bulldogs, duos of dachshunds, loads of lhasa apsos, sacks of stanleys, waves of whippets, typhoons of terriers, ETC ETC ETC, YOU GET THE PICTURE!

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Here is something else that is a running theme – fake dogs to entice real dogs to stalls selling dog stuff!

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ALSO HUGE HOT DOGS!

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K9 Swim were there in order to promote doggles doing swimming among other things (I imagine) and although there were some softs that went hurtling towards the water head first, some sweet things that needed a bit of persuading.

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BUT ONCE THEY WERE IN, THEY WERE FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HAPPYYYYYY!!!!!!

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I’ve come to the conclusion that approximately 95% of people that own dogs are GREAT. We patted so many heads and chatted with LOTS of lovely people, most of whom had lovely dogs. Finally, I came across a Corgi (and I have heard a rumour or two that they’re not ideal creatures to look after – mostly either cross or moody…but perhaps these rumours are true as…) IT WAS VERY NERVOUS.

Luckily for me, I was able to drown my sorrows in hundreds of other creatures.

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HELLO
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HELLO!!!
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I’m gonna get your NIPPIEEEESSSSSSSS

There was even a little visit from a David Bowie incarnate via a dog. OMG AND BEFORE I FORGET – WE SAW ASHLEY AND HER DOGS (ASHLEY OF BRITAINZ GOT TALENT FAME) DANCING TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND MARC RONSON FT BRUNO MARS AND EVEN THE MUSIC TASTE COULDN’T DULL HER TALENT AS A DOG DANCER!

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Well, I think I’ve told you everything – other than we learned about the benefits of hand-feeding and it was really, really bloody hot. Now, I will leave you with a picture of Kieren scruffing a bully boy.

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I LOVE YOU, BYE XXXXXX

Eyes and Ears (What is in them?)

Hello! Guess what? It’s six days until I start My New Job™! And no, although I haven’t done everything I thought I would in this Bonus Month™ AKA going to the gym every morning (I did do that for over a week though!), I have kept up my blog! How are you? That’s great, v glad to hear it! How are you beating the heat? It’s insanely hot in Norwich at the moment!

I’ve been spending a bit of time reading, and lately I’ve discovered the ‘MURDER MOST UNLADYLIKE’ series. As a girl who yearned for boarding school but never went, in the last few years I’ve been reading a lot of books based in them – Naughtiest Girl in the School, Mary Kate and Ashley (the boarding school years), Harry Potter (obvs) – that’s pretty much it. UNTIL NOW!

The ‘Murder Most Unladylike’ series is set in the 30’s and incredibly jolly hockey sticks. There’s a rather helpful glossary in the back of the books (just in case you need reminding what a chelsea bun is), and the terminology used is frightfully jolly – plenty of “Oh Daisy, don’t be such a brick!” . The narrator is a refreshing gal by the name of Hazel Wong, a girl raised in Hong Kong by an Anglophile father who attending boarding school in England himself. If you’ve got a spare 300 pages or so worth of time, I would thoroughly recommend them. 4/5 for reading brill fun.

 

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JOLLY FOUL PLAY is the forth instalment and very good also don’t look at the sweaty crease in my neck PLEASE!
Hello again, here is the second section of today!

If I’m not reading, or in the bath, or somewhere looking for doggles, or watching Jeremy Kyle with my housemates, or whatever else it is I’ve been doing all this time, then I’m possibly wandering around the city listening to podcasts. I’ve taken to doing this quite regularly, as I’m very bored of all of my whiney music and need an injection of something FRESH PRONTO.

HERE ARE TWO OF MY FAVOURITE PODCASTS:

1. This American Life – Ira Glass has the most lovely voice and is rather good at speaking to people. If you’re unaware of This American Life, it’s a weekly podcast that has been running for many years now, based around a theme. Sometimes silly, sometimes serious, but mostly always (I had to skip past a whole act yesterday because it was improv comedy which isn’t great at the best of times, never mind hearing it later) enjoyable to listen to. Previous themes have been “Captains Log”, “The Perils of Intimacy”, “If you can’t say it, SAY IT IN ALL CAPS” and recently, “You Don’t Have To Live Like A Refugee” – each have different stories, interviews, snippits from articles, sometimes live comedy (hit + miss TBH!) and little insightful tidbits from Ira. 5/5 listening, would listen again.

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2. THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST – Upon discovering Adam Buxton via my dear pal Mary at Latitude in 2013, I had kind of forgotten about him (sorry Buckles). He is actually the coolest and most lovely man in the world as well as an actor sometimes – he had a bitpart in The IT Crowd (here is it), he played a grumpy teacher in Son of Rambo, and (you may know him more from this) he was Tim Messenger in Hot Fuzz (#RIP). P.s. He’s also a been a friend of Louis Theroux for a large number of years – here they are dancing to GROOVE IS IN THE HEARRRRRT AAAAAYYYYAAYAAAAAA along with Joe Cornish. ANYWAY! He has a podcast and it is so brilliant and funny that it makes me laugh out loud in the street and also a couple of days ago in a big graveyard and then I felt a bit bad about it. You should definitely do a listen. Plus it features loads of cool slebs and opinions that you can later pass off as your own (as long as no one else listens to THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST).

BONUS PODCAST: My dear friend Tim Wood, who is brilliant and lovely, has a podcast in which he makes puns about biscuits and talks about current events. We met on the first night of Freshers and he talked to me about disco and we’ve been friends ever since. He really is the most lovely person you could ever wish to meet EVER.

OK THIS HAS BEEN GREAT! LOVE YOU! XXXXXXXXX

P.s. I’ve been listening to loads of Otis Redding and YOU SHOULD TOO!